worth it

I'm visiting my family this week in my hometown. Everywhere I go are reminders of the life I've left behind. And while they aren't as fresh as they once were, they are here causing me to pause more than I expected. Being here- being with my siblings and my friends- has me thinking about trajectories and fate and choice. It has me thinking about why some people make choices that work and others make the same choices with drastically different results. It has me wondering why the life I chose a decade ago didn't work for me, yet it works so well for them. It has me asking if I'll ever be able to have a simple homecoming without the baggage of the past, or if returning will always be a reflection of the path I traveled only to stop midway facing the wrong direction.

One day, I'd like a simple homecoming.

My daughter, though, is smiling. She is giggling and playing with her cousins and has loosened her grip on my sleeve for a few days.  And her happiness - her obvious gleeful settling into the arms of our family who loves us and welcomes us is worth all of the thinking. It's worth all of the questioning.